I'm so glad you could stop by. This is my personal blog of daily life and my journey through life. You will find a strong emphasis on family and friends as well as finding my ancestors through genealogy. Unlike my other blogs this blog is more of a catch-all so any topic is fair game.

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Tuesday, March 23, 2010


image courtesty of Jackets and Covers

Note: I have this book and have read it several times. I highly recommend The Shunning as an extremely enjoyable reading experience. It is well worth the read.

Humans by their very nature are very sociable animals. They want to be acknowledged and accepted by other humans. One of the worst things a human can face is being shunned by the very members of his or her family and his or her friends. he or she Shunning is a very deliberate act to avoid the associate with a particular individual or group. In certain religious groups (eg. the Amish) and other tightly-knit organizations or communities a shunning can be sanctioned against apostates, whistleblowers, dissidents, or anyone who fails to comply with the defined standards. Being shunned by a group can put the individual in an extremely lonely and isolated position both physically and emotionally. Being shunned by a family member or friend can be devestating but this form of dealing with those who either have done something so horrific that shunning them is warranted or they simply refuse to respect you as a person but rather insist on forcing their views and beliefs on you.

In essence this shunning happens on a daily basis where one member chooses to become estranged from the family severing all ties with the family. If the person themself decides to become estranged from the family it is the family who feels the effect of the shunning while if it is the family doing the shunning it is the person being shunned who feels the effect.

Shunning is not an action to take lightly but if you choose this method of dealing with a person then there are a few ground rules. In order for shunning to be effective you must not acknowledge the person being shunned for any reason. Even if this means going so far as to move further away from the shunned person, not speak to the shunned person, have virtually no contact with the shunned person. In today's world technology makes that easier in the form of physically being able to block phone calls, unlisting your phone number, turning off your answering machine, setting up online filters, getting a restraining order and so much more that will block that person from your life. If any correspondence is sent to your house simply write return to sender on it. In your mind this person simply ceases to exist which ultimately means you waste no time thinking about how to respond to them or the what ifs or anything associated with this person. Nada, just poof and they are gone. At some point you may want to end shunning that person but that is another post.

I have decided to use shunning against an individual. It was a difficult decision and one not taken lightly but at this point I am no longer willing to let this person disrupt my life. This person came into my life under a phony pretext then has continued to be disruptive with lying, guilt trips, pissant and judgemental comments, insisting on a relationship when it's been clear I don't want one, constantly braggging about how great their life is while mine obviously is lousy (according to them but then so to is my perspective), has been extremely disruptive and this is all without even knowing me. In short I'm fed up! I owe this person not so much as a moment of my time of which they have rudely taken up considerably more of my time than they deserve. In this situation my decision to shun this person is the best one possible. Honestly, shunning is not enough but it's the best I can do for the time being. This person no longer exists to me. And peace is restored in my life.

Garden Gnome

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