The Land of Not

The nightmares have returned.  I woke with a startle, breathing heavy at 3:45 AM according to my iPhone.  My husband was sleeping peacefully so I dimmed the light on my iPhone then checked Twitter.  Spotting a couple of tweets from one of the new folks I'm following drew me back into The Land of Not.  My descent into this dark, almost void, lack luster state of mind has taken months to get to this point.  Somewhere in the recesses of the nothingness, I realize this is not the place I want to be.  I toss off the covers, quietly close the bedroom door, step on the scale the click on my pedometer.   I make my way to the kitchen while seriously considering getting on the elliptical to escape thinking.  Instead I made a cup of coffee and settled on the couch with the laptop.

I've been withdrawing for months, focusing on a couple of personal pursuits.  The very thought of being around people fills me with dread so I avoid doing so.  I'm even avoiding the drama of the forums I once enjoyed.  Heavens, why some folks get their knickers in a knot over the simplest non-problem is beyond me!  Instead of being around people, I lace up my runners to go for power walks.  The ear buds, sunglasses and no nonsense fast pace is a clear indication that I have no desire to stop and chit chat. 

Today is our anniversary.  I need to be back in a better frame of mind!  In the early morning hours, I did what I haven't done in months.  I blogged!  Whether blogging will draw me out of The Land of Not remains to be seen but for now, for today, it is a small step forward...