Peony
June 16, 2008
I'm sitting cuddled in a fleece blanket feeling rather warm and cozy just nicely getting into the latest Corrie episode. David is out on his little duff but not really because Audrey (his grandmother) has taken him in. Sarah and Jason brought Bethany home from the hospital. Sarah wants nothing to do with David but Bethany gives him a hug, quite pleased to see him not knowing it was him that caused her to be in the hospital. David is slunking away to his grandmother house when...
... a very lovely telemarketer decided that would be the perfect time to bug the snot out of me. See now they only do this when they know I am relaxing, enjoying the moment and I would have to get up to answer the phone. So I answer the phone to get a "Hello, is the Mrs [husband's first name][grotesquely mispronounced surname?]" I corrected the last name and replied yes to which the sales pitch started with a "Mrs [even worse mispronunciation] blah blah blah" to which I simply snapped. Ok this person is trying to sell me telephone service above and beyond what Bell offers YET cannot get my last name correct? Well that sure builds confidence in their service for me! The problem is once they start the sell they don't come up for air so the first pause about 5 minutes later I politely said "Excuse me, twice you have mispronounced my surname, you've called me during my favourite show which is the dinner hour for most people and please do not call me again until you can say my surname properly. Have a nice night." Yes, I was rude as I could have simply hung up while she was still talking but that too would have been rude.
So, we pay X amount of dollars for phone service. Hello telemarketers, that is our money paying for phone service to call those folks we need or want to call. At the same time we don't mind family and friends calling us. That's why they have our phone number. If I wanted to be sold something I could go shopping all by myself, turn on network television or go online. Guess what? Anything I find would likely be cheaper than what you are trying to sell me because it would be sold directly to me instead of having to pay you the telemarketer, a commission. Having a telephone number does not give you the telemarketer the right to contact me. So next time you call please give me your home phone number so I can call you just as you are enjoying one of your favourite television shows or better yet just as you get into a nice hot tub of water. Wait a minute perhaps I should call you about 3 am when I can't sleep so am up doing genealogy research and just need someone to talk to even though I can't say your last name.
Telemarketers! They are the bane of today's world. They are the reason call block and call display exist. They know it which is why they use numbers like 123-456-7890 like this one did. Seriously that is the number that came up on the call display.
Here's fair warning to all telemarketers out there calling our house.
You are on my dime using a service we pay good money for. I'm not answering that phone for any reason unless you have an identifiable phone number. If you are a telemarketer my rate for listening to your sales pitch $5.00 deposit then $1.50 per minute payable in advance. Mispronouncing my surname costs an additional $20. Mispronoucing my given name will cost you $100. Misspelling either will cost you an additional $150. Trying to sell me any coverage or service I already have and am happy with (ei. hubby, electricity, phone, natural gas) has a surcharge of $50. Oh and I don't need any funeral coverage either since that's going to be someone else's problem when I dead and we have a fire pit so problem solved. I take PayPal and cash, no cheques please. I require your first name, last name (please spell it correctly and speak clearly into the mic so I can repeat it if needed), your address, your first born and the times most likely to inconvenience you when I call. If you don't have a first born, please refrain from calling until you do have one. Kindly make all arrangements through my online site (just google for it). Once you have your confirmation number please call between the hours of 10 and 11 am Tuesday and I will work you into my schedule between 2 and 3 pm sometime within the following two years on a Thursday. I reserve the right to call block you at any time and post your phone number online so that you can get a lot of attention from lonely folk wanting to talk to someone. I reserve the right to totally lamblast your company online for spamming my telephone line and wasting my time even if the only reason is I'm just feeling a bit pissy. I can be bribed with gourmet food but my husband prefers golf green fees. High amounts of money or a tank of gas may work as well again payable in advance but that does not guarantee a sale. Just chock it up to the price of doing business and the cost is tax deductible anyway. You have a very lovely day and I look forward to your call -
Garden Gnome
©2007
I feel your pain. We ditched our land lines in favor of our cell phones, but now these rates find us here! I don't answer a number I don't already know. This is sad because I don't know very many numbers by heart!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if I would mind them less if they didn't interrupt so many tender family moments.
I have a friend who told me everytime a telemarketer calls he lets them go through their entire spiel and when it comes time for his response to the final clinching question of, "Can we sign you up?" He says, "What?" They go through it again. He says, "What?" again. And, continues however many times it takes before the telemarketer either hangs up or goes to get their supervisor.
ReplyDeleteI had a good friend who was a salesperson. He has gone to God now, but he would allow those telephone salespeople to go through their entire spiel, then ask them questions and give other "buy signs".
ReplyDeleteWhen he had to go to the bathroom or eat, he would say, "hang on a minute." He would string these poor people along for hours and then say,"no, thanks." LOL