My Doctor Has Issues

I have been doing a fine job of avoiding my doctor for the past year or so.  Apparently this tactic is not sitting well with my doctor at all.  I take my time and trouble to grace the office with my presence for one simple prescription refill.  Note the one as I decided to eliminate the other two prescriptions as long as things continue to go smoothly.  I feel reasonably well considering and don't have to deal with the side effects.  It took a bit of persuading giving my reasons for stopping those medications but my doctor finally agreed to trust my judgement.  Then, my doctor asked rather innocently whether I would like a flu shot.  Apparently I'm considered high risk so should have the shot.  Say what?  Would I like a flu sho?  What kind of question is that?  It's not like I haven't watched This Hour Has 22 Minutes as to what's in that flu shot.  I don't need more mercury floating around in my body given that mercury was one of my favourite childhood toys.  Besides I'd rather have my eggs sunny side up instead of pumped into my arm via a needle 2 miles long!  As a well informed patient I told my doctor 'no thank-you very much'.  Well at least I got a chuckle followed with a 'you need to come in for a physical'.  Well quite frankly I'm not a physical type person so I really don't need to be checked to find out if I am.  I'm pretty sure my doctor could take my word for it that I'm not physical.  But no, my doctor insists on clinical proof that I'm not physical so I ended up with an appointment for gathering all that lovely clinical proof via all kinds of inhumane pokes, prods and other insults too insidious to mention.  On the day of the so called fact finding mission for signs of my lack of being physical I cannot eat or drink anything.  Hey that should really help my cause significantly, don't you think?  I will have to drag my poor old, weakens and immaciated body from the germ laden waiting room and I'll bet to add insult to injury I will likely have to stand on the scales and pee in a bottle not like I will have any pee without drinking anything before.  I tell you my doctor has issues!  I had best get a couple of sparkle stickers and a huge lollipop for this one...

Garden Gnome
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